Taking It Back - The Story

Taking it Back was the first song we wrote for the album. It was written as an anthem, to reclaim back what had been stolen from us. This song represents coming full circle in a journey out of hurt pain into one of healing, whilst now having a full understanding of what happened through the abuse we had both encountered. 

Abuse is not an easy thing to understand when you experience it. The raw pain and confusion that it causes, the self-doubt, the shame and guilt and the loss of hope. It leaves you questioning yourself, and living in a place where you may be alive and breathing, but you are not really living.

When it is experienced in a Christian environment, its even tougher. Trying to reconcile why you are being treated in such a way that is contrary to the teaching of the bible, and by people who call themselves Christians. It leads you to feeling as though you are valued a commodity (for what you can do/offer) rather than as the person that God created you to be. 

The end result? The loss of trust. The surrendering of dreams that you once burned with passion for. A continued negative outlook on life, feeling as though you were being continually punished for something you didn’t do. Like being stuck on a carousel of despair, with the same things happening over and over on repeat and losing hope that anything will change and ultimately giving up. 

After coming to understand what had happened to us and what abuse was, this started the journey to freedom. But it’s a process. When you finally understand how the past has impacted your life and the way you have viewed things (usually incorrectly) there can come anger. Anger at the years you feel you have wasted and can’t get back. Anger at the impact it has had on your life, your friendships, marriage, family and all the missed opportunities and where you could have been if it hadn’t happened to you. Re-processing all the events that had happened in your life looking through a different lense and questioning what was perceived as truth at the time. 

But then comes acceptance. Then comes change. Then comes the decision and understanding of whats next. And what can I do to be part of the change that needs to occur. And seeing and becoming aware of what we had experienced was more common than we thought and perhaps that God had a purpose after all.

This song is our anthem. It’s a reminder of where we are now, the claiming back of what the enemy tried to take from us to keep us silent and the healing God has brought. What was meant to harm us and discourage us and take us away from a life God had planned for us, what was meant for evil, God will now use for his glory. 

Our past is behind us. It no longer defines us and will no longer keep us down and from what we have been called to do. 

Genesis 50:20

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

16. Psalm 147:3

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Don’t Attack Me was written from the place of understanding how powerful words can be, especially when they come from people who call themselves Christians. The song was inspired heavily by James chapter 3, where it talks about the tongue having the power to bless and curse, and asks the question — can fresh water and bitter water flow from the same spring?

For many years we experienced words that cut deeply. Criticism, judgment, accusation and condemnation spoken in Christian environments that should have been safe. Often when you are already carrying hurt, trauma, disappointment or self-doubt, words spoken over you can reinforce the lies you already believe about yourself. Lies that say you are not good enough, that your feelings don’t matter, that somehow what happened to you was your fault.

One of the hardest things about this kind of hurt is that it often comes disguised as “help” or “correction.” But instead of bringing life, healing and restoration, it leaves people feeling crushed, silenced and misunderstood. The bible says the tongue holds the power of life and death, yet so often people use words carelessly without understanding the damage they can leave behind.

The song is not about refusing accountability or reacting to criticism. It’s about challenging the culture within Christianity where attacking, shaming and tearing people down has sometimes become normalised whilst still claiming to represent Jesus. It’s asking the question — how can we worship God with our mouths, yet use the same mouth to destroy people made in His image?

Musically, the song carries frustration, tension and emotion because that reflects the impact words can have on someone’s life. There comes a point where you grow tired of being verbally attacked, judged or condemned by people who do not understand what someone has walked through.

But underneath the heaviness of the song is also conviction. Conviction for ourselves as much as anyone else. To speak life. To speak healing. To speak truth with grace. Because you never truly know the battles someone else is facing or how deeply your words can affect them.

James 3 became the foundation of this song:

“Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing... these things ought not to be so.”

Don’t Attack Me is ultimately a challenge to all of us — what kind of water are we pouring out into the lives of others?

No more is a break up song with Satan’s lies. It's an emphatic cry from the heart based on James 4:7 - “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

No More was the last song we wrote for the album. What originally commenced as an EP of only 6 songs, quickly morphed into an album of 10 songs. And this song would become not only the lead single, but also the name of the album.

Ironically I wrote the chorus to No More nearly 20 years ago. It was something I would play on the piano, in those times I was questioning myself and the circumstances that I was facing at the time. 

The writing of this song was partly accidental. Whilst sitting at the piano playing, I came up with a new riff, which became the main intro and verses to the song. And after playing this for a while, I realized it fitted in perfectly with this chorus I wrote 20 years ago, along with the bridge part which again, was from another song I wrote 4 years ago. 

This was very symbolic. It was as though the puzzle and the parts of me from over the years, from the place of hurt to the place of healing had come together to become this song, that encapsulated the journey Sarah and I had been on and summed it up in two words “No More”.

And the words formed quickly for the verses (I wrote on a fridge shopping list), with Sarah in less than 2 minutes writing the full bridge rap part, this song was born.

At its core, the song is about refusing to believe the lies and tactics of Satan:

Lies - twists truth into half-truths or flat-out lies, whispering thoughts such as “You’re not good enough”, “God doesn’t care about you”, or “You can’t change

Accusation and Shame - The Bible calls Satan “the accuser” (Revelation 12:10). He condemns and shames, making people feel hopeless or unworthy, with thoughts like “You’ve failed too much for God to use you"

Distorting Identity - One of his strongest tactics is attacking identity.If he can convince you that you’re unloved, unworthy, or powerless, you’ll live beneath your calling.

Fear and Intimidation -  uses fear to paralyze, manipulate, or silence people.Fear keeps you from stepping into your purpose or trusting God fully.

Distraction - you get so caught up in the lies and delusionalment that it takes you away from where God has called you to be.  

These lies we believed were the result of the hurt and pain we had walked through. When you have tried and failed on so many occasions to pursue and do the one thing that you believed God had called you to do, only to be met with constant disappointment, there comes a point you give up and walk away. 

You believe that those things that happened to you were your fault. And because of that you mustn't be good enough for God, because if you were it wouldn’t have happened, and that in a way you are being punished. 

There was also a lot of teaching in the christian environment that also emphasised these lies, with this idea that if you are a perfect Christian, nothing bad can happen to you. And if anything bad did happen to you, it was because of something that you did or didn’t do (have enough faith, pray enough or read your bible enough). 

One of the biggest things that Satan uses is abuse. Whether it be sexual, physical, spiritual or emotional, when it happens in the Christian environment it destroys lives. It permeates these lies and leads to the victims of the abuse questioning God, feeling as though they are the ones at fault and carrying guilt and shame. And in most cases, will see someone have to deal with a life with the effects of trauma and walking away from God. 

After living with these lies for so long and believing them, this song is redemption. Redemption from the lies we lived under for so long. Lies formed through circumstances we went through in an environment we shouldn’t have. But now the lens has been ripped off and we can see it clearly for what it was. 

And we will no longer let it take us away from what God has called us to do. 

No More - will we live with guilt and shame

No More - will we believe the lies that we are not good enough for God or that he cannot use us. 

No More - will we be defined by our past and what happened 

No More - will we be distracted and taken away from what God has called us to do

No More - will we be silent. 

This song was written in the context of writing a song to ourselves in the past (where we were still living in that place of hurt), and, if we were given the opportunity what would we say to ourselves then from the position we are in now.

The song acknowledges the real pain and hurt from the events that occurred in an environment that it shouldn't have. The opening line is hard hitting “In a moment life takes a turn, in a place it should not have occurred” and delves into the mindset of coming to terms with the trauma experienced in a Christian environment that should have been safe. It leaves you questioning all you were taught and wondering is there something wrong with me?

The natural response to this is to withdraw and isolate yourself from the world and from other people, to build up walls around you to keep you safe from being hurt again. 

In acknowledging the pain, there's a point of needing to move beyond this, noting that whilst trying to protect yourself from more pain and hurt, you in fact are only hurting yourself more. Instead of living life, you become a participant to it, carrying a burden that was never meant for you.

This burden affects you in every aspect of your life. It creates a negative view of everything in life, making you feel like you're living a life of continual cycles trapped on a merry-go-round of despair. You end up in a place of hopelessness, believing you are destined for a life of misery. 

The song also acknowledges the times when we tried to speak up, and the criticism and words spoken which made us feel like no one believed us. Desperately trying to be heard, but dismissed and feeling misunderstood. And in not understanding, having other people criticize or try to point out that the hurt you feel or the circumstances that caused it were because of you (i.e. not having enough faith) which in essence left us feeling like we were not good enough for God. 

There comes a place in the healing process, where you begin to understand what happened to you was not your fault. And that the circumstances that led to it occurring, was not because of you or something you did or didn’t do. And that you can heal and be free again. 

When you live in the world of pain, you think you're the only one going through it and that nobody understands. The bridge of the song is one of the most powerful, where it acknowledges the pain, what it's like not to be believed, but whilst in that place, that you are not alone, and that having walked the same road there's hope and freedom that can be restored. 

And in that you can be set free from the pain of the past and be restored again.